A Love Story

After the death of a spouse you find yourself going through stuff tucked away in
closets and dark corners, underneath stuff that was being saved because one of
you thought it was important and had a sentimental value. So today I was doing
just that and came across a loose leave note book Natalie had of all her posts
she had when she had a web page. And so I'd like to share with you, two posts
made so may years ago, A LOVE STORY that never ended.

I posted this on Marine web site I used to go, Natalie coped it and put it on her
web page. 5th anniversary Sept 12, 1998
Today, five years ago, I married my wife Natalie. We have been together 10 and
married for 5 years, I have been blessed, she loves me for who I am, even when I
don't know who I am. It is said love makes the world go round, Natalie makes my
world go around. There are times I ask myself why me? this marriage is almost too
good to be true. We don't know where the future will be, but you will find us
walking into it, hand in hand, and loving each other and counting our blessings.
Loving the good times and supporting each other through the bad times. Five years
have gone by to fast. The point is, without her I am nothing, and with her, I am
everything !

Natalie post this on her web page 9/12/99 My darling Bruce, last year you really got
to me with your post. We have a great thing going on here, Honey, and I love you
more each day. You said that you did not know where the future would take us but I
do know that 11 years ago I had no future until you my wonderful friend came along
and quite literally saved my life.
You got me back to mom before she passed away and for that I cherish you. You also
gave me the chance to know my brother Dave and to better understand him.
We have been through some really rough times and yet the times I remember are the
good times, the quiet times, the ones when we were alone in our love.
We have often said we wished we could have a longer time together but when we were
younger(LOL) we would not have appreciated each other as we do now. We have both
grown together and God willing will continue to do so. I love you Bruce and will always
need you near me. You are my love my friend & my life.

                           TODAY   TOMORROW   & FOREVER  
  
    
  

The Kiss

 It's been around 38 days since I lost my wife Natalie, to some she was a mother, to others
she was a best friend, to me she was my best friend and soul mate. We were together over
twenty years, and in that time we rarely had a harsh word between us. She was always doing
something for me all the time, people would tell me how much she loved me, hell I new that,
it was no secret how we felt toward each other. Natalie had this thing she started from the
first time we started going together, lets call it Natalie's rule, we would never part for the day
without a kiss, on arriving back home a kiss, when we went to bed a kiss, even if I went to
bed before her, she'd wake me up for that kiss, and of course there was the morning kiss.
On the day she passed, she drove me to work and before I left the car as always there was
that kiss, I remember that kiss, she had on dark lipstick, I gave her a peck on the lips and
then one more and got out of the car, and that was the last time I saw her alive. A long time
ago when I met Natalie's mother she asked me to take care of her, I promised I would,
the truth is through the good and bad times we took care of each other. She always said
that she wanted to die before me, because she didn't want to be left alone without me.
Well I tell you being left here alone without her is really hard, at times the grief is almost
more then I can handle. I can remember the first time we kissed and where, and now
the last time, life as come full circle.


              

Change

Change is this slow moving thing that takes away all that once was, and relegates it to
an obscure place in time where our past history resides. Change is like a vine that slowly
creeps into every void and changes the familiar to the unfamiliar, as we try to adapt to the
new, while still holding on to the past.  

    
     
     

The Storytellers

Once upon a time and long ago there was this magic box that stood in our living rooms.
Some of these boxes came in different sizes, many looked like fine furniture with
numbered dials and lighted back grounds while others were not as fine and a little smaller,
and to us, they were magical transportation devices, known as radios. Oh, I know we
still have radios today, but the different between them was the element that the listener
would have to provide, and that was called imagination. For imagination was the key to
the great stories that were being told, that took us from the living rooms to places that did
or didn't exist. In just seconds you could be transported anywhere in the world and even
places out of this world and back, by the use of your imagination, radio became a visual
medium seeing pictures in your minds eye, you might say it was a kind of time machine.
Albert Einstein said "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming
attractions." Remembering that imagination can make the impossible, possible.
Carl Sagan said "Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were, but without it
we go nowhere." And so from the days before the written word, to the days of the digital
word, it seems that storytelling and imagination still live on at Sirius XM, Classic shows
from the golden age of radio, but on a much smaller scale. You would think by now that
radio would be just a memory from the past, but here it is, still hang on. Kind of like the
sandal, Roman armies wore them to conquer the known world, and we still wear them
today, to conquer the nearest mall.

 

When The Game Was Pure

The American pass time, played by the boys of summer, its been an American treasure
for over 150 years and now played in many countries around the world. Today baseball
is facing some hard times with many players being suspended for drug use as the game
try's to take back its heritage. But the truth is the game as always had players that would
cheat to get an advantage on the other team, all the players know it, the teams know it
and we the fans know it. From pitchers who would doctor the balls to batters who would
doctor the bats. Somehow we the fans have excepted it as part of the game.

But I remember when the game was pure, where there were no doctored bats or balls
there were no performance enhancing drugs and their were know adults in sight to screw
things up. All across America on sand lots, parks and places big enough to play a game
we loved. It was summer time and school was out, we would get up eat some breakfast
and we were out the door heading for our local ballfield on foot or on your bike with
your glove a bat and ball if you had one.

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey named Dunellen, and this was a lot of my
summer time from about 9 years old to about 12 or 13. There were a couple of places
in town where you could play baseball and I would go to a field we called weed
stadium. When I was about 9 it had a chain link back stop and some base lines, later
the town put up a little league field with fences and dugouts and the hole 9 yards.
We would meet at the field and pick teams, we rarely had enough kids for 9 players
on each side, so we would adapt. Sometimes we would only have four players on a
side so two players in the outfield center and left and two infielders third and short
stop. Each team would pitch to themselves sometimes we would run bases and
sometime not depending on how many players there were. With just 4 players on
a each side, we could not hit the ball to right field, on the fly or on the ground. If
you ever played like this, well you no the rules you made up for the amount of
players you had.

I also remember a player who was always there a girl by the name of Evelyn
Charmer, she could play ball as good or better then any of the guys. Yea, that
was a time when baseball was pure, it was played for the love of the game. Now
I wonder if I was to go back to my old home town if there were kids still doing
that, still playing for the love of the game with know adults in site. Well I kind
of dough it, it was a different time when life was much simpler.






 
                 

The Awakening

                                                                  The Awakening

                                                              (  Author Unknown )

                        
 

A time comes in your life when you finally get…when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out…ENOUGH1 Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you…and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are…and that’s OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions. You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself…and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. Your stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you – or didn’t do for you – and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn’t always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself…and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties…and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for you next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not you job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drinking more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it’s OK to risk asking for help. You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people…and you lean not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody’s punishing you and everything isn’t always somebody’s fault. It’s just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You lean that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than you heart’s desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, with courage in you heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Worth Living

What makes life worth living for you? I'm sure we all have different answers to
that question. As I pondered the question to myself the other day, and after
eliminating  a lot of very good answers, I came up with this one. What makes life
worth living is not being able to answer all the questions. If we new all the answers,
then life would have no meaning. As said in a quote "Life is a journey, not a
destination." and so the journey is the question and the destination is the answer.
I love finally getting the answer, but the question was the journey, on its away to
an answer.

      Bruce Knipp